7 Ways to Nurture Your Child Through Their Big Emotions
It’s tough to see our children or students struggle with their big emotions.
Navigating our children’s or students’ intense emotions can be a challenging and emotional task. It’s heart-wrenching to witness their struggles as they learn to regulate big emotions like anger, stress, fear, and anxiety. As parents, educators, and practitioners, our natural instinct is to support and ease this process for them.
However, when we approach parenting or education with a conscious mindset, it would be safe to acknowledge that their emotional outbursts can also trigger our own complex emotions. This makes it equally challenging for us, as adults, to manage our own feelings while simultaneously helping them navigate theirs. Their expressions of anger, such as throwing items, breaking things, or using strong, ‘colourful’ language, can evoke stress responses within us, linked to our own fears and anxieties. Consequently, it becomes sooooo much more difficult to guide them toward self-regulation in the moment.
In light of these complexities, how can we consciously assist them (and ourselves) in transitioning from dysregulation to emotional self-regulation?
Here are 7 powerful tips that have not only helped me as a parent but have also proven to be transformative
for countless other parents and teachers I have had the privilege to work and collaborate with.
Not only will they enhance your approach to parenting and education,
but foster a deeper connection and understanding with the children in your care. Let’s dive in…
Hi, I’m Lauren. A conscious, Libran solo Mumma of two blessings, a son and daughter. I’m all about using Holistic Feng Shui & natural solutions to find a balance. I’m passionate about self-care and wellbeing and determined to help families connect and thrive together.
EMPATHISE
Children are not born with innate knowledge of how to regulate their emotions, and it is unfair to expect them to. Their journey toward emotional regulation involves progressing through various stages: from
- initial dysregulation, where they struggle to control their emotions, to
- co-regulation, where we support them together, and ultimately to
- self-regulation, where they can independently manage their emotions.
Surprisingly, the part of the brain associated with this process doesn’t fully develop until around the age of 25.
As adults, it is our responsibility to guide them through each stage (even if it feels like a never-ending process) as children progress at different rates.
Along the way, they will undoubtedly make numerous mistakes, but these mistakes serve as valuable learning opportunities. Therefore, it’s crucial to resist the instinct to reactively discipline them for their behaviour choices in the heat of the moment. Instead, take a step back, empathise with them, and ask yourself reflective questions:
- “Why did they act this way?”,
- “How can I demonstrate I am here for them?”,
- “What strategies can I try to help them de-escalate in this moment?”, and
- “What important lessons do I want them to learn from this experience?”
By prioritising the creation of a safe space for them to make mistakes in this challenging realm of emotions, we can foster trust and empathy throughout their process.
Come from an empathetic place with the understanding that children need to be nurtured when they struggle to manage their emotions independently
MODEL
Regardless of age, none of us are perfect at managing our emotions. It’s humbling to recognise that within us as adults, our inner child is still developing and healing, residing within our adult bodies. We carry wounds from childhood experiences, limiting beliefs, and more, which will be triggered from time to time as we parent or educate children. It is the same for ALL of us!
In a society that often expects children to be perfectly behaved in public, it’s crucial to understand that they cannot learn how to regulate their big emotions, which can lead to meltdowns and tantrums, without exploring them. If your child is an angel for others but expresses their emotions freely in your presence, consider it a compliment. It reflects the safe space you’ve created for them to navigate this emotional journey alongside you. On the other hand, a child who suppresses their emotions out of fear can develop serious emotional and even physical blocks or long-lasting trauma. As conscious parents & educators, we strive to be part of the solution rather than perpetuating the problem.
Let’s embrace the fact that both we and the children in our lives are on a shared exploration of emotions. By openly discussing our own emotions with our children and modelling how we manage them (including our failures), we help them build self-awareness.
It’s essential to be gentle with ourselves when we don’t handle our own big emotions well in response to our children’s reactions. These moments become valuable teaching opportunities as we openly share the reasons behind our reactions. In doing so, we lay the foundation for mutual respect and trust, creating an environment where our children feel safe to express their own emotions without fear of judgment or making mistakes.
By fostering open communication and empathy, we can cultivate deeper connections with our children, guiding them towards healthy and balanced emotional regulation…together.
How we often feel when we are triggered by their reactions to their big emotions
One way to model strategies you use to regulate your emotions
CONNECT
Research consistently highlights the profound impact of physical connection on calming the mind during moments of stress. Engaging in physical touch and demonstrating empathy can stimulate the release of “happy hormones” while reducing the effects of the stress response. Even when you find yourself in a situation where you may want to create distance from your child (we’ve all been there!), offering a heartfelt hug (even with a stuffed toy) and expressing empathy for them as a child in need of support to navigate their emotions can significantly defuse the situation.
It’s crucial to recognise that disciplining or punishing a child for expressing anger in such moments can inadvertently send the message that anger is a negative emotion. This can erode trust and hinder their emotional growth. Instead, our aim should be to establish connections, empathise with their experiences, and reflect on the situation once everyone has calmed down.
By prioritising physical connection and empathy in the moment, we further foster an environment of trust and understanding. Our children learn that their emotions are valid and that we are there to support them on their path to self-regulation.
A hug produces oxytocin to boost your mood and defuse intense emotions
IDENTIFY
By helping our children to identify and explore a range of emotions by name, both big and small, we empower them to navigate their emotions with confidence. Engaging in playful activities and games that depict emotions can be a powerful tool in this process. One game that works wonders is Charades!
Incorporating visuals and physical expressions, such as acting out emotions, allows children to connect the dots between what emotions look like, feel like in their bodies, and even sound like. By actively participating in these activities, they develop a richer emotional vocabulary and a deeper self-awareness.
It’s important to instill the notion that ALL emotions are okay!!!. Every emotion serves a purpose, including anger and stress, which have their place and can be beneficial when managed effectively!
Scientific research supports the benefits of labelling emotions. When children learn to name their emotions, it engages the prefrontal cortex—the thinking part of the brain responsible for making wise decisions. This engagement helps soothe the lower, reactive, emotional regions of the brain, allowing for more informed and regulated responses. This concept, referred to as “Name it to Tame it,” is beautifully explained in “The Whole Brain Child” series of books by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson.
Remember, as you model your own emotional experiences, you create a shared language for everyone in your home or classroom. By openly expressing and discussing your emotions, you provide a safe and supportive environment for regulating emotions. This shared language not only strengthens your connection with your child but also facilitates a smoother emotional regulation process for everyone involved.
By nurturing emotional intelligence through naming and exploring emotions, we equip our children with essential life skills that will serve them well into adulthood.
These pictured Body Signs of Emotions cards are currently available individually for purchase at:
MONITOR
Encouraging children to check-in with their emotions and energy levels throughout the day is a powerful practice that cultivates self-awareness and sets the stage for effective emotional regulation. By helping children identify and understand the signs of different emotions in various situations, as well as recognising their triggers, we equip them with a valuable advantage: the ability to anticipate and prepare for events that may lead to intense emotional responses.
It’s important to pay special attention to activities or times of the day that tend to trigger heightened emotions, especially those that quickly escalate to out-of-control behaviour. By pinpointing these triggers, children gain insight into their emotional landscape and can develop strategies to navigate challenging situations more effectively. This awareness also facilitates co-regulation, making it easier for everyone involved to provide support and understanding.
However, it’s not only the children who benefit from this practice. As adults, we should actively participate in this process throughout the day as well. When done as a class or family, children begin to appreciate that different individuals respond differently emotionally and energetically to various activities. For instance, while Maths may make Jack happy and ready to learn, it might elevate Jane’s emotions and energy levels, leading to heightened anxiety.
As role models, we have the opportunity to demonstrate strategies that help us become self-aware of changes in emotions and body sensations. By openly sharing how we calm or energise ourselves at different stages of the day, we provide powerful life lessons(maybe even more important than that Maths lesson itself).
Remember, fostering emotional awareness and self-regulation is a lifelong journey. By integrating check-ins into daily routines, we empower children to develop a deep understanding of themselves and others. By consistently bringing our attention to our emotional state throughout the day, we enhance our self-awareness, allowing us to recognise the early signs of discomfort that precede our big emotions. This heightened awareness enables us to intervene sooner, preventing our reactions from escalating rapidly.
These pictured Power Scale charts & information are currently available individually for purchase at:
PREPARE
As you continue to monitor your emotions and energy levels in various situations, you will start to notice self-care strategies that work best for you in the moment. This valuable insight can be used to create a personalised self-care plan, consisting of enjoyable, calming & energising activities tailored to your needs.
It’s important to distinguish between sending a child to their room as a punishment for getting angry versus providing them with a safe space to calm down that THEY have identified themselves. By creating this distinction, you teach them that anger is a normal emotion and provide them with a healthy outlet for managing it. See the difference?!?! This choice of self-care strategy by the child is empowering!
You can have fun with this and make time daily to explore different activities and intentionally note whether each activity calms or energises you. Keep a record of these findings and use them to assemble a “Safe Space Supplies” or “Calm Down Kit” that can be easily accessed during moments of big, intense emotions. When your child is unable to make wise choices due to their heightened state, your role may simply be to guide them towards their preferred self-care tool from the available supplies (after connecting & empathising with them). As time goes on, you can proactively direct them to these resources when anticipating triggers identified in Step 5 too. Eventually, the child in your care will develop the ability to self-regulate without needing your immediate support at all.
*If discipline becomes necessary, it should only be addressed once your child has regained their calm state.
Colouring Equipment is always a safe addition
These pictured Check-In charts & Self-care plan worksheets are currently available individually for purchase at:
CELEBRATE
Positive association is a powerful tool for helping children reframe their thinking during stressful situations. When we hold negative feelings about a particular situation, our stress response is more likely to activate rapidly. However, by associating positive thoughts with past memories, emotions, and situations, we can help prevent our emotional brain from overreacting.
It’s essential to encourage your child and acknowledge the progress they have made in regulating their emotions. Every small step counts! Some children may respond well to words of encouragement, while others may appreciate a high-five, hug, reward chart, or quality time spent together. It’s important to keep the rewards small and achievable, but involve your child in the process of selecting their preferred form of motivation. They know themselves best and can identify what will motivate them effectively.
And then….. remember to reward yourself for doing the best you can with the knowledge you have now!! Parenting (& educating) is a continuous learning journey and it’s HARD WORK!! Acknowledging your efforts and growth is just as important. Celebrate YOUR achievements too, both big and small, along the way.
Try getting a High 5 without feeling uplifted!
These pictured Certificates, Punch Cards & Progress Charts are currently available individually for purchase at:
Certificates & Punch Cards Progress Charts
Progress Charts
In Summary
In conclusion, implementing these five steps can greatly assist your child in managing their big emotions in a nurturing, conscious way:
- Empathise: Foster emotional connection by being present and ask yourself reflective questions to empathise with your child in that moment.
- Model: Tune in to your own emotions and how you respond to them (especially the mishaps) in the moment and openly discuss your feelings & strategies with your child.
- Connect: Providing physical connection in the moment will assist to de-escalate the intensity of the emotional response.
- Identify: Help your child label their emotions, as “Name it to Tame it” empowers them to defuse the intensity of their reactions.
- Monitor: Encourage your child to be aware of their emotions and energy levels in different situations at different times, allowing them to observe & anticipate triggers.
- Prepare: Create a self-care toolkit tailored to your child’s needs & interests, filled with a variety of activities that bring them joy, calmness, and energy.
- Celebrate: Acknowledge and celebrate every small step your child takes towards self-regulation, reinforcing their progress and building confidence.
These steps have been tried and tested with my own children, in my classrooms across the whole school, and have received positive feedback from parents and teachers who have implemented them in their own homes and classrooms. They provide a nurturing pathway for your child to transition from dysregulation to co-regulation and eventually self-regulation. As you support and guide your child through this journey, you may also find your own self-awareness growing. What is assured, is that if you incorporate these 7 steps intentionally, you will cultivate a deeper connection, bond and level of trust with your child/ren or students that will be cherished!
WANT RESOURCES TO SUPPORT YOU???
If you’re ready to take proactive steps in creating a supportive system for emotional regulation in your home, classroom or practice, we have an exclusive offer for you this month. Introducing the MEGA BUNDLE, which combines three of my top-selling bundles into one comprehensive package, now available at a discounted rate of over 25% off!
With over 111 pages of charts, posters, cards, worksheets as well as PowerPoint presentations and additional bonuses, this bundle provides you with the resources you need to nurture emotional well-being in your home, classroom or practice. But remember, this offer is only available for a limited time.
To seize this opportunity and gain access to this valuable MEGA BUNDLE, simply click the link and secure your download today. Don’t miss out on the chance to transform your space to foster emotional regulation and creating a more harmonious environment.
Informative & engaging system to understand, categorise & monitor emotions to build self-awareness.
Self-care strategies to use in check-in system to support ability to self-regulate & practice self-care.
Entertaining narrative & resources to explain how stress impacts our brain and body & how to manage it.
This parenting (& teaching) gig is hard, friends!! I don’t have all the answers, but I am always willing to learn how I can do better which I will endeavour to share with you as I go.
I just want to send you all big, big hugs as I bet if you’re reading this you probably need one!! So feel my hugs filled with ‘Happy Hormones’ coming your way! Be kind to yourself. You’ve got this!!!
Love & blessings,
Lauren xox
FOR YOUR REFERENCE:
My go-to references for my parenting and educational knowledge in relation to children’s social and emotional development are:
The Conscious Parent by Dr Shefali Tsabary
No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos & Nurture your Child’s Developing Mind by Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
Creating Trauma-Informed, Strengths-Based Classrooms by Tom Brunzell & Jacolyn Norrish
Ready to Take the Next Step??
About
Hi, I’m Lauren. A conscious, Libran solo Mumma of two blessings, a son and daughter. I’m all about using Holistic Feng Shui & natural solutions to find a balance. I’m passionate about self-care and wellbeing and determined to help families connect and thrive together.
Contact
Yinning the Yang – Naturally Balanced Living
Balanced ‘n’ Bright Kids
© 2025 Lauren Boynton & Yinning the Yang – Naturally Balanced Living. All Rights Reserved