Starting and sustaining a self-employed business is a challenge at the best of times. But doing it after years in a relationship with a narcissist? That’s a whole different level of hard.

I’ve been trying to succeed in business on and off for almost 20 years, yet I kept hitting invisible walls I couldn’t understand. It’s only now, after deep self-reflection and healing, that I see just how much the echoes of that relationship have impacted my confidence, energy, and ability to show up fully in my work.

This isn’t about blaming my ex—he has his own journey, his own struggles, and his own unhealed wounds. But acknowledging the ways in which that relationship shaped my beliefs, patterns, and nervous system is essential. Because if I don’t recognise the subconscious programming still running in the background, how can I rewrite it?

Here are the challenges I’ve faced (and am still navigating) as a self-employed business owner after moving on from a narcissistic relationship:

1. Low Self-Worth

For years, my successes weren’t celebrated. My excitement was met with indifference or subtle jabs that made me question if I was actually good at what I did. Over time, I internalised the belief that my work wasn’t valuable—or worse, that I wasn’t valuable. This sneaky conditioning makes it hard to charge what I’m worth, trust my own talents, or believe that my work truly matters.

2. Chronic Stress and High Cortisol Levels

When you’ve spent years walking on eggshells, your body adapts by staying in high alert. Even now, I find it difficult to fully relax, and my nervous system still operates as if I’m preparing for an attack. This prolonged stress has led to health issues—weight fluctuations, liver imbalances (hello, suppressed rage), and exhaustion that no amount of sleep seems to fix. Running a business while in survival mode is like trying to build a house during an earthquake.

3. Struggling to Trust Relationships

Narcissistic relationships often involve a cruel cycle of love and criticism, leaving you unsure of what’s real. I was told I was loved while simultaneously being put down, making me question my ability to be a good friend, partner, or even a valuable presence in people’s lives. This carries over into business—I sometimes wonder if clients actually value me or if they’ll suddenly decide I’m not good enough. Creating a community, building a safe space, and forming genuine connections? It’s terrifying when past experiences have taught you that safety can be an illusion.

4. Constant Exhaustion

My nervous system became wired to be in a constant state of defence. Even now, I operate with an underlying tension, as if my body is always bracing for impact. The result? I’m so tired. Tired in a way that sleep doesn’t fix. Tired in a way that affects creativity, focus, and the ability to show up consistently in business.

5. Giving Away Too Much for Free

When you don’t believe in your worth, charging for your services feels impossible. I’ve found myself over-delivering, undercharging, and often working for free because deep down, I struggle to believe I deserve financial abundance. This is an ongoing mindset shift—learning that my time, energy, and wisdom are valuable.  (I’m getting there, however this is also compounded by the Witch Wound and Imposter Syndrome that come with being a spiritual entrepreneur too).

6. Fear of Being Seen

Visibility feels unsafe. Being in the spotlight—whether on social media, in a group, or even just sharing my work—feels like an invitation for attack. In my past relationship, drawing attention to myself often led to criticism about how I looked, what I said, or who I was. That ingrained fear makes business growth slow, as success requires being seen.

7. Fear of Vulnerability

Being vulnerable once meant giving someone ammunition to hurt me. Even now, sharing my struggles feels risky, as if I’m opening myself up to judgment. But vulnerability is also the gateway to connection. The more I lean into authentic sharing, the more I attract the right people—those who resonate with my journey rather than seek to tear it down.

8. The ‘Be Strong’ Burnout Cycle

In my past relationship, weakness was weaponised. Sadness, exhaustion, or needing support was met with ridicule or rejection. As a result, I learned to ‘push through’—never resting, never showing struggle, suppressing deep emotions, always battling on. But business isn’t built on endless struggle. True success comes from balance—resting, recalibrating, and giving myself permission to let go of the weight I’ve carried for so long.  Pauses for rest actually lead to more productive, inspired work when I allow myself to get the balance right.

9. Fear of Success

This one surprised me. I’ve always wanted success, so why do I self-sabotage every time I get close? Because success means more visibility, more opportunities for celebration—and in my past relationship, moments of happiness were often shut down. When you’ve been conditioned to believe joy invites punishment, you subconsciously keep yourself small to avoid the pain.  Success for me is also associated with hard work (this one is from generational conditioning) and with my nervous system still on high alert, I know this contributes to the self-sabotage too.

10. Brain Fog and Lack of Focus

Prolonged stress and anxiety take a toll on cognitive function. My ability to focus for extended periods of time and remember things has suffered, making tasks that should be simple feel overwhelming. Some days, I sit down to work and my brain just… won’t cooperate. Learning to manage this, rather than berate myself for it, has been key.

Healing & Moving Forward

So, where does this leave me—and anyone else who sees themselves in this journey? It leaves us in a place of power, because awareness is the first step to change. I’m actively working on:

• Rebuilding my self-worth by celebrating my wins (even the small ones) and surrounding myself with people who uplift me and celebrate along with me.

• Regulating my nervous system through breathwork, meditation, mindful practices, time in nature and movement.

• Challenging my fears of visibility by taking small, safe steps toward showing up.

• Setting boundaries around my energy, time, and worth.

• Prioritising Self-care & allowing myself to rest and recognising that burnout isn’t a badge of honour.

• Attuning to my inner guidance system – my emotions, my thoughts, my physical sensations, my environment – as messages to inform self-care to meet my needs.

I‘m certainly learning to be more gentle with myself and focusing on each step forward – no matter how small!  The healing and reprogramming takes time, but I wouldn’t change a thing because it’s made me who I am today!

If you’ve been in a similar situation, know this: your experiences don’t define your future. You are not broken. You are healing. And your business? It’s not just a career—it’s a reclamation of self.

To all the spiritual entrepreneurs who’ve walked this road, I see you. Keep going. Your work matters. You matter!